Choosing to live authentically me

So a lot has happened in the last several months - year.

The job that I adored at the cafe, came to an end, when the cafe closed very unexpectedly. But I, thankfully, landed on my feet, when one of my previous employers made a spot for me in the small business that she owns.

The cafe closing left me sad, upset and extremely angry. I felt betrayed. When I think about how things went down I still have some hurt feelings. I'm owned a couple weeks of wages still and the owner is ducking my calls and avoiding me. I'm not even sure how I'm going to get my T4 for the time I worked there.

I slid into my current role with lots of apprehension and not a small amount of anxiety. Although I had worked for The Company before, it was in a role that was quite different to the one that I am now in. For several months I worked my new role and made up hours by performing my previous role as well. Eventually, The Company decided to hire me on full time in my new role as administrative assistant/manager. It's been a bumpy ride, but one that I've thoroughly enjoyed. I have a boss that is super supportive, who listens to my ideas and suggestions and who encourages me to get hands on and learn as much as I can. I am part of a management team that is truly a team. And I have a staff that I oversee that is diverse and varied. I'm helping to grow a business that I actually care about.

In the last several months, as I've settled into work and life as I know it, I've realized a few things.

1. It doesn't take much to make me happy.
At the end of the day, I'm happy as long as I can return home at the end of the day to my dogs.

2. I've rediscovered how much I enjoy singing.
I joined a choir! And I love it!

3. Spreadsheets bring me a strange amount of joy.
I love nothing more than the beautiful spreadsheets that I create and use at work. So organized. So streamlined. So much information contained in the them. *swoon*

4. Cooking is fun again.
Hello deliciousness!

5. People have faded out of my life and I'm learning to be okay with that.
People that I thought were good friends of mine, seem to have cut me out of the friendship that I thought we shared. I was hurt at first, but now it's faded to a dull ache that appears only when I actively think of them. Their exodus has brought new and better friends into my life. And I'm oddly grateful that the end of those friendships was the beginning of new friendships.

6. A good cup of coffee is the best way to start the day.
Especially early in the morning, before the dogs are walked.

7. Sitting at home with a glass of wine, reading a book is the perfect way to end the day.
Genre of book dictates the wine that is consumed.

Where did the magic go?

I've been going to church on a regular basis. Since almost this time last year, I've been heading out west of the city with a good friend of mine to attend a small country church.

I love it. I really really like it. It's like when I was living at university and I'd go home for the weekend - that's the feeling that I get when I get in the car for the drive out.

Until recently.

At the beginning of July a new minister started working at the church. She's.... not a good fit. Everything that I love about my little church - the chaotic, messy, vibrant family that I've found - feels like it's slowly being suffocated.

I hate it.

I've tried to give it time, but we are coming to the end of month 3 and I'm still not enjoying it. The new minister doesn't seem to be making an effort to get to know what makes us as a congregation special. She seems hell bent on making us bend to her whims and ways.  What I used to look forward to all week, is something that I am beginning to dread.

And this feeling seems to slowly be weaselling its way into other facets of my life - most obviously my volunteer work with my rescue. I find myself dreading responding to emails and inquiries. Whereas before I couldn't wait to open the email accounts and jump right in, I find that I have to force myself to check emails at least once a day.

My heart is hurting. This isn't like me. As my good friend said tonight, I want the magic back. Where did it go? How do I recapture it?

When you've found your dream job!

Well. I have found my dream job!

Big words, I know. But I actually have.

I am now the manager of a place that allows me to combine my two loves: coffee and dogs.

I've been in place for almost 2 months and I can say with confidence that I adore going to work.

I'll just be over here snuggling a corgi puppy and drinking a latte.

KThanks.

Life update!

Big things are in the works for me.

Moving in May. Leaving the address I've been at for 6 years. And heading closer to the Canal for an easier walk to work/class for my sister.

I'm finally in a job that I really really really enjoy. And it doesn't feel like work AND I get to take my dogs to work with me if I wish. #WINNING

Stepping out of my comfort zone

So...

I did a thing.

I agreed to be in a musical.

As the title character.

Granted it's a small musical that is being put on in the community where I go to church and it's open to the community not just the congregation. Nevertheless, I'm out of my comfortable spot backstage and stepping into the spotlight. Pun not intended.

I've got 8 weeks to learn my songs and lines.

Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

5/5

5 things I rediscovered I like:

1. Volunteering with Sit With Me
2. Being back at church on the regular
3. Having a fully charged iPad
4. Bullet Journalling
5. The song "LA Song" by Christian Kane

5 things I dislike:

1. People who don't signal when turning
2. When it's super icy out
3. Having to blow dry my hair when I get out of the shower so it doesn't freeze
4. That my apartment isn't very warm during the day
5. Running out of toilet paper

1 thing I love:

1. Snuggling Nigel when he's the little spoon. <3 

Work in Progress

Words to live by.

Movie to see: A Dog's Purpose

Sit With Me Rescue is hosting an advanced screening of A Dog's Purpose at the Mayfair Theatre. Get your tickets here: goo.gl/tKqBZ2. All proceeds raised go to the dogs of SWM. Thanks Universal Studios for reaching out to us and proposing we have an advanced screening.

Big props to Stephanie Smith, graphic designer extraordinaire, for the poster!

See you at the theatre!

Happy New Year!

It's still seems odd to me that I now have 'free' time where I am able to do what I want. Not working almost 24 hours a day has really forced me to come up with ways to spend my time. I've rediscovered my love of writing. Knitting has become fun again. I watched a movie one night after work this week and DIDN'T feel guilty or that I should be doing something productive like laundry.

My patience is back, I'm well rested and I enjoy getting up in the morning again.

It's nice to feel like a real human again.

Happy New Year all!

Recipe: Orzo Dill Salad

So I started a new job, and with it, a new attitude to saving money and putting an emphasis on making my own meals. So tonight, I have made a delicious orzo dill salad. It's lemony, and dilly and delicious. I don't know if it will make it until lunch tomorrow!

Orzo Dill Salad

Ingredients: Orzo, fresh dill, cucumber, garlic, red onion, feta cheese, lemon juice, olive oil,

Method:
1. Cook the orzo according to the packaging. Once cooked, run under cold water to help cool it down. Let it sit in the strainer while you are prepping your other ingredients.

2. Chop cucumber however you like into bit size pieces.  Transfer into a large bowl. Finely dice onion, and several cloves of garlic. (I LOVE garlic, I used 5-6 cloves of garlic!) Rough chop about a 1/4 cup of the fresh dill. Crumble feta into the bowl. Finally, add the cold orzo. Stir all together.

3. In a separate bowl combine 4 tblsp of olive oil, and the juice of one large lemon. Mince 2-3 cloves of garlic and finely dice about 1 tblsp of fresh dill. Whisk together and pour over the salad mix.

4. Using a spatula, mix the salad and the dressing together. Finish with a wee bit of salt and a good dash of pepper. Let sit for about 20 minutes before serving.

ENJOY!

Struggles make us stronger?

I've been struggling a lot lately it seems. With a lot of things. My lack of a serious relationship, lack of enjoyment at my job, feeling lonely... so many things.

Today everything hit the breaking point. And I spent the afternoon in tears as I went through my day. I was texting a friend when I was reminded that it's not all bad. The last several weeks have shown me that I am stronger than I thought I was. I've learned to be uber patient. To hold my tongue and put my best foot forward.

All this is true.

But it's also true that I've learned to listen to that quiet inner voice. Finally.

And so I picked up the phone and made a call I should have made weeks ago.

Now, I'm much less stressed and anxious. I feel like I have a plan. I'm making strides to leave this negativity behind.

Sigh. Finally.

Oh hai.

It's been a long few weeks/months for me.

I've been frustrated with work and more stressed about being a barista than I should have been. There been lots happening behind the scenes and long story short.... I don't work at The Coffee Shop anymore.

Whewf.

New job, new start, less stress and more fun!

Really excited for this new chapter to begin!

Monday Morning Musing

Cup of coffee to my left, empty breakfast plate to my right, CBC playing in the background. Two dogs on dog beds. 

This is my ideal morning. I am surprisingly content and have been since the beginning of February. It's like I have finally come to grips with the fact that this is my last semester of my program at college. At the end of it I will be able to find a 'real' job. I have been applying for 'big girl' jobs basically full time for the last three weeks. I've crafted my resume in multiple formats and emphasized different aspects of my education and work experience. I've written and re-written my cover letter probably a hundred times. I've gone to 20+ job interviews and still have no new job. But I'm not panicking. Yet. 

Which probably sounds a little weird. And it's not because I want to be a barista for the rest of my life. I think it's because I know that I will have my program completed and I will be a certified bookkeeper. And even if I am working at Starbucks past the end of my schooling, it doesn't change that I am an accountant. I've realized that no matter what happens, I am educated. I am an accountant. 

But I've stopped thinking that I'm better than working at Starbucks. And all because of a series of conversations that I have had with my parents, and surprisingly one new co-worker (who used to work for the Government) and a regular customer that I see daily. 

I'be been having a hard time wrapping my head around still being at Starbucks. I'be had friends tell me that I'm better than working at Starbucks, that it's not worth my time. I've had friends tell me that a job is job and I should be thankful to be working for a company that has benefits and perks like Starbucks does. I don't know how many times I've called my parents and complained that "I still work at Starbucks". Thankfully my parents know how to gently humble me. My mom and dad, always gentle in their questioning, asked me why I'm so unhappy there. "Is it because you think you're better than your co-workers?" I paused in my complaining. I can honestly say that's not it at all. Most of my co-workers are highly educated, kind people, who work hard. I think my silence gave me away to my mom who gently asked, "do you feel like you're better than working at Starbucks because you have an education?" My mind races. A huge part of my being unhappy at work is because I feel I am over education and qualified for my position as shift supervisor. I ponder the people I work with. Two registered nurses. Highly educated and qualified women. They do work in a hospital as well, but they have chosen to also work at Starbucks. They have chosen to work for Starbucks. I think of my newest co-worker. She left a government job to work at Starbucks. She could have transferred to another department, she could have made a move to the private sector, but instead she chose to work for Starbucks. One of my favourite regulars is a woman who is working on her PhD in some kind of social science program. She is verbose, and interesting and someone I would love to sit and spend hours talking with. We were chatting not that long ago and she mentioned that she would love to work for Starbucks someday. She spoke about how it must be so nice to know that I work for a company that stands up for what it believes in, that helps builds community, that gives back as much and as often as it does. And that made me pause. 

Starbucks is that company. It is a huge supporter of the LGBT community. It's sponsored gay pride parades, it openly hires people regardless of sexual orientation. It celebrates all people. Starbucks allows it partners (employees) to spearhead local initiatives that we feel are important. Here in Ottawa, we volunteer at the Shephers of Good Hope helping prep and serve meals, we have the snowsuit drive that we hold, we (partners) raise tens of thousands of dollars for Camp Quality and volunteer there, I've volunteered at HOPE Volleyball, and many many community charitable happenings. Everytime I volunteer, Starbucks donates my hourly salary to the organization that I'm giving my time to. 

Maybe it sounds like I've drank too much corporate CoolAid, but I had forgotten about the good that I have done on Starbucks' dollar. I was too focussed on how I was better than Starbucks. But I'm not. And it's going to be hard to leave if and when that time comes for me. Applying for new jobs has shown that I'm being paid more now as a shift supervisor than I would be starting at the bottom in an office position. I have full benefits, which I am not guaranteed access to when I go to a new company. I won't get my nice perk of a free pound of coffee a week. 

So, today on my day off, I will apply for jobs and send out many emails in the hopes of being hired. But ultimately, I'm more than happy to have a cup of coffee to my left, and pups sleeping on beds, and CBC playing in the background and Starbucks on my resume.

                         

 

The Joy of Volunteering

I've blogged, previously, about being a foster home for a dog rescue. I love every minute of it. It's one of the best decicions that I've made. 

I'be also taking on a more involved role as the volunteer coordinator for the rescue. This position originally started out as me covering for our VC while she was on vacation. And when she stepped out of the role, I continued on in it. It is very time comsuming and draining. But I enjoy what I am doing as VC. It's fulfilling and at times stressful. And I love seeing the events that we plan and host as a rescue come to a successful completion. 

This weekend I had the chance to be on the "front line" so to speak. Several volunteers cancelled at the last moment and so I took over being present at one event. I trimmed nails, spoke about the rescue, and just generally had a great time connecting about doing a little bit of goodness in the world around me. It also helped that I had a great partner in my foster dog, Nigel. 

I know that I've complained about having to coordinate volunteers a couple of times, but today brought back why I do what I do and why I love it so much. 

So thanks to all the people that came out and renewed my love of volunteering. Thanks for being interested in Sit With Me, thanks for asking questions and donating money. Thanks for sharing the stories of your loved dogs, and laughing at Nigel as he wiggled his bum at meeting new people.

 

A year in review and hopes for the new

Today is the last day of 2015.

Looking back on the last year, there's lots for me to be proud of, some things that I'm not so proud of, but nothing that I regret. So I'm calling this year a success. It's also easy to look back and be critical of the decisions and choices made throughout the year. Hindsight is 20/20 after all. I find I have to remind myself to remember the circumstances that I made my choices and decisions under. It's easy to be critical when you don't remember the context of making them.

Highlights of this year included: a road trip back home to PEI with Kate; discovering my snack food soulmate in Michael; getting a raise in pay; becoming more involved in Sit With Me (especially the SWM Super Squad); realizing that I am hireable as a bookkeeper and being offered a job in my chosen field (even though the timing wasn't right and I couldn't take it); reconnecting with old friends (hi Jenn!) and managing to stay in touch with friends far away (hi Bret, Katelyn and Sarah!); and having Lindsay move in with me.

In the spirit of the ending of one year and the beginning of another, here are two lists.

Things I accomplished in the last year:

• my first foster dog was adopted and I survived the minor heartbreak it caused me
• I transferred to a busy downtown store and built on my management skills. I didn't like it, but by God, I survived. 
• I transferred to a smaller, more community minded store and I've succeeded beyond my expectations. 
• Learned to love spreadsheets even more than I already did. 
• learned that it's okay that I have fun and enjoy myself. 
• several trips to Montreal to transport dogs to safety. 

Things I hope to accomplish in the New Year:

• start reading for my enjoyment instead of only school related readings.
• more writing (blogging, creative writing - just write more!).
• take my organizational skills to the next level.
• be more active - longer walks with the dogs!
• spend more time in the kitchen for fun (baking and cooking for friends!). 
• spend more time with my friends

5/5

Things I like:

1. Granville Island Winter's Ale

2. Spontaneous sushi dates

3. Snuggles with puppies

4. Christmas lights

5. Puppies that wear party hats

Things I dislike:

1. Having to leave the pups behind for 2 weeks

2. Doing dishes

3. Getting soap in my eyes

4. When Netflix asks me if I'm still watching something

5. When the bookstore doesn't have the book I want to buy

When determination gets you nowhere.

Today, I experienced crushing disappointment.

I had applied for a job that I wanted more than anything else with every fibre of my being. And I had a great chance in actually being successfully hired. Alas, this morning I received the email that crushed my (current) hopes and dreams like none other. I saw this as my chance to move into what I like to call,  my 'big girl' job. But it isn't to be.

My big girl job is a job that I can be proud of announcing to a room full of strangers. I don't have to cringe and make the excuse that because I am a student it actually makes sense for me to work where I work. And it's not that I'm not... proud of my position, it's just an educated, almost 30 year old should be working someplace a little more....worthy(?). I was really looking forward to not living paycheque to paycheque (and sometimes, not even that). And while my current job has pretty great benefits, they just aren't enough to keep me from looking for other, more worthwhile workplaces.

So I guess I'll try again. I'm finding it harder and harder to struggle through life like this. I'm an university educated woman. I'm smart, I work hard and I'm kind. I just need one little break job wise.
I'll plaster the city with my resume again. I'll troll the job ads and pray that I find something worth applying for.

If you know of anyone looking to hire a university educated, hard working, kind and slightly verbose human, please send them my way. My undying gratitude will be yours.

There's Always Room for One More

Those of you that know me, know that I love dogs almost more than anything else in this world. I grew up with dogs, my parents instilled in me a love of them. So, I guess it's my parents' fault that I got involved with rescue. Although my mom will argue that an it's all because of one of my aunt's that I'm dog crazy!

My 'real' introduction to rescue was a gorgeous pitbull pup named Ruca. My good friend had 'rescued' her from a crack house. He saw her on the front porch with a man that was clearly high and not caring for her. My friend approached and complimented the guy on his pup. The exchange ended with my friend walking away with the pup, his wallet a little bit lighter. But his heart much fuller. Ruca was my introduction to pitbulls and how misunderstood they can be.

Later, when I discovered that I couldn't be without a dog any longer, my search for one began. I wanted what my friends had in Ruca - a constant companion, well trained and obedient, cuddly and goofy. And so I scoured the internet. I haunted the Kjiji and Craigslist listings, I Googled Ottawa area rescues. I wanted a dog and I didn't care about where it came from. Ideally, I wanted a pitbull pup. I hit a wall when I learned that these wonderful dogs have been banned in Ontario since 2005. Instead, I ended up with Remi.

Remi is a brindle mutt that captured my heart from the moment I spied him. His sisters galloped towards me; Remi checked me out and then casually made his way toward me. My heart belonged to him as soon as he planted his front paws on my legs. It wasn't much longer after that, that he was sitting in a friend's lap as we drove the three hours back to Ottawa.

My very own dog. Finally.

I filled my Facebook page and Instagram with pictures of him. I showed him off every chance I got. I answered questions from strangers on the street about where I got him. "What breed is he?" is a question that I got a lot. Lots of them were surprised when I said that he was from a rescue. "But he's so well behaved!" was the response I got to my answer.

Looking back, I shouldn't be surprised. Some people don't have a great perception of rescue dogs. But I am continually surprised by the questions that I field on an almost daily basis about my foster dogs. I've fostered two dogs to their adoptions. I've temped several others. And I'm fostering the most wonderful dog now, Nigel. Like my other foster dogs, he's a pit bull dog. He isn't available for adoption in Ontario, and while that's pretty terrible, I'm so thankful that I work with a rescue that values these misunderstood dogs and is willing to care for them while we find homes outside of Ontario.

When I first started fostering, many of my friends and co-workers thought I was crazy to bring an unknown dog into my home. They questioned how smart it was. What if it was sick? or vicious? or old? None of these concerned me. I was reassured by the foster coordinators that the dogs were assessed before they left the shelter and they were vetted; in short, there was nothing wrong with these dogs that love couldn't fix. Every dog that I have fostered has been a wonderful dog. There have been hiccups - Mango had allergies, Peyton needed to be housetrained, Nigel is fearful of everything - but the benefits have far outweighed the trouble.

And yes, it is tough to let them go. But every dog deserves a forever home. I cry a few tears when I get home without my foster. I crawl into bed with Remi and we cuddle. And then I get a message shortly afterwards, "We have a new foster for you!" and my heart leaps! I do a load of laundry and make sure we are prepped for the new arrival. And so the foster cycle starts again: the introduction between Remi and his new foster sibling; a walk with my new dog; a short run through of basic commands and before I know it- another wonderful dog is ready for their own home.

There is nothing wrong with rescue dogs. They aren't broken or unworthy. They deserve love and a soft bed. They deserve soft hands and cuddles on the couch; car rides to the cottage and so much more. So even though letting go means tears and a slightly bruised heart, it also means another wonderful dog gets a second chance. I'm so blessed to be part of a rescue organization. It's filled my heart and my home with love and joy and dogs.




*For more information about Sit With Me check out the website at www.sitwithme.ca. For information about the foster program email foster@sitwithme.ca. Sit With Me is a registered Canadian Charity.

Everyday is a test and I'm thankful for that

Today was one of those days.

Customer interactions were a test of my patience. Finding time to get everything done was a test of my management skills. Staying involved in and focussed on work today was a test of my mental endurance.

I slogged through the morning at work. I trudged through my morning rush. I struggled to stay positive.

I have this thing that I do. When I'm not in a good place -mentally, physically, spiritually- I start listing things that I am thankful for. I call it my unending list of gratitude. It's morphed since I started it. When I started it was mental, I'd think about what I was thankful for. Then it became a weekly list I wrote on a chalkboard. Now I have a notebook that I list everything in. And now it's daily.

The surprising thing is that it helps. No matter what kind of a mood I'm in or why I'm in that mood, listing things that make me thankful, lifts my spirits.

So today I'm thankful for:

• warm  cookies 
• that first sip of coffee at 5am
• wearing a scarf, but not freezing
• infectious smiles
• customers that are thankful

Mango Bananas

Yeah. So what?

My little ginger pig, Mango has been adopted.

I was beginning to think that she would be with me forever. And I was more than okay with that. She fit in wonderfully with Remi and my apartment and my friends and their dogs that would come to visit. 

BUT I AM SO EXCITED AND HAPPY THAT SHE WAS ADOPTED. 

She is now living in a muzzle free area of Montreal. And she has her very own chihuahua sister to cuddle.

Thanks to Kate for coming to Montreal with me for the home visit. And thanks to Mangos new family for seeing what a wonderful dog she is.

Thanks to Sit With Me for allowing me to foster. And for all the support through the entire process. I'm so thankful to be part of such an amazing organization.



If you are thinking about adopting a dog, consider one of our rescue dogs. Check out Sit With Me for more information and a list of adoptable dogs.